Twelve: Zombieland (2009)

Growing up, my parents kept me away from things that were not age appropriate. ‘M’ rated video games and ‘R’ rated movies had no place in our good Christian household.

What they didn’t know, and still didn’t until right now (sorry mom), is that I was a master with the remote. We had a fancy TV, so I would go on the channel guide, find every horror movie possible, and DVR them. Our remote was one that allowed you to go to the ‘Last’ channel you were watching at the click of a button. So, I would begin playing my horror flicks while my parents were upstairs. If I heard the creek of the steps, BAM, I would hit the last button and suddenly be watching SpongeBob SquarePants, my parents none the wiser.

I would perform this back and forth, filling my brain with the gory movies I was interested in, while my parents thought I was numbing my brain with childish cartoons. In 2009, at the ripe age of 12, I was doing this very act with a movie that still holds a place in my heart as one of those “comfort movies.”

Zombieland: A movie full of fantastical deaths, a Twinkie-loving gunslinger, and Bill F**King Murray. What more could you possibly ask for?

Originally written as a TV Pilot to be directed by John Carpenter; Zombieland went through a litany of changes before we were given the movie, and subsequent sequel, that we now know and love.

Several months back, I came up with the perfect cocktail for this film. Is it a good cocktail? No. Is it even a cocktail? Technically, No. Is it hilarious? Hell yeah. Cheers to twelve of thirteen:

Enjoy the Little Things

• Whiskey

• Code Red

• Coffee Mug

• Twinkie

In a coffee mug, pour enough Whiskey for you to be able to smell colors. Top it off with Code Red. Garnish it with a Twinkie. Enjoy the little things.